Today is a New-Moon and this month it’s in Scorpio. It’s also a Solar Eclipse and a perfect day for surrendering and letting go. For me, I’m taking the opportunity to be productive by focusing on what I want to release and taking action to do just that.
I’ve always enjoyed going back to my journals and reading “where I was” but the last time I read my really old journals, I realized that all I was doing was reliving painful moments in my history. The interesting thing was, I no longer felt the pain as I read through them, which to me meant their purpose had been served.
Today when I read the 1990′s, I discovered that yes it was a rather dark period of my life but it was also a decade of tremendous growth and development. Today I decided that I can totally let go of the anger, hurt, shame, or resentment of the 90′s and reflect upon the good that those years ultimately brought into my life. I had forgotten all those teachers, books, and dreams that were there for me. I’m holding onto one book from the 90′s – my trip to Italy and I’m letting the rest of them go!
The struggle of the 90′s carried into the early 2000′s. I experienced the most painful relationship of my life, and it’s breakup during that time. As I started to read those books this morning I found myself totally uninterested. There was no emotional charge that needed neutralized and no curiosity that needed satisfaction. I placed them in the pile with the 90′s.
I decided to hold onto my journals from Botswana. I didn’t read through them but I know there’s some good stuff in there. Stuff I want to remember. And there are several from 2006 until now that I plan to review over the next two weeks. In two weeks, at the Full Moon, I’m going to my friend Andrea’s house to burn – symbolically release and let go – of all the baggage found in those page, once and for all.
I will carry the beautiful memories in my heart and throw those dark memories into the fire, allowing the Phoenix to rise and lift me to a new level of self-awareness and beginnings. I’ll be sending out an invitation for others to join us soon. If you live in Maryland and have a desire to release the past through ritual and community, join us. You don’t have to burn journals, you might want to write things down or throw something that represents what you are releasing, into a Full Moon fire. But more on that later!
I feel 100% committed to my November Challenge I’m really excited about all the walking I have planned and confident for the first time in a long time, that I will do what I’ve set out to do. My confidence comes from the success I’m experiencing with the Candida Cleanse!
I’ve dropped 14.5 pounds and today I put on a pair of jeans that I haven’t worn in two years! I love that I actually have a pair of jeans I can fit into! I saw my massage therapist Friday afternoon and she said there is very little candida left on my back. That is huge for me as it’s been years that I’ve talked about it but I’ve never successfully eliminated the large splotches that showed up several years ago. The effort I’ve put into manifesting a healthy body is showing results and that feels good! I know I’m on day 40 something of my cleanse but I’ve stopped keeping up with exactly what day it is. And this past week I gave into an emotional eating episode – it was the best thing I could do for myself!
I’d been feeling cravings for several days and I knew it was because of the pain I was feeling in my shoulder. It’s hard to explain a frozen shoulder. One friend describes it as, “gravity even hurts the arm.” I wasn’t in quite that much pain but I felt the pain getting worse, the movement getting less, and depression creeping in to my psyche. I knew I was going to see a doctor and would feel better soon but the bottom line was, I wanted someone to cook something for me and I wanted what I wanted. So I went to the Dizz and got a black bean burger, sweet potato fries, and a big slice of Red Velvet Cake. A funny thing happened…
I ate all of the burger and fries. They were just okay. I enjoyed the fries the most. But as I ate the cake I realized I was getting no enjoyment whatsoever. I mean I was completely neutral toward it. I didn’t even eat it all which is something I NEVER do. I decided to just let it sit on the counter so I could finish it later but when later came, I had no desire for the deep red velvet or creamy icing. So I threw it in the trash! And decided that I really don’t like Red Velvet Cake anymore – and it was one of my two favorites! I’m thrilled that I ate sugar and didn’t have a desire to binge and I’m thrilled that I no longer like the cake. But I sure hope I don’t stop liking Carrot Cake!
I also spent the morning preparing for next weekend’s Fall Gift Fair. I wanted to inventory the mandalas and get my prices in order. Kathy sent some amazing pieces and I’m excited to sell something that I love. It feels like I am providing a service to others as I know there will be people who love these designs as much as I do; and I get to introduce them to the mandalas! My goal is to ultimately purchase Kathy’s work and all the money I make now will be rolled into the business. I feel so blessed to have this opportunity. While I feel completely grounded in the present and grateful for my life just as it is, I’m also thrilled to have a vision for my future and outlet to stream income while serving others. My dreams are manifesting and I am grateful!
As the day winds down and I prepare for another week of work, I’m feeling right on track with my goals. It was tough during the heat of summer but fall gives me a level of energy that I can’t deny. The holidays are coming and I’m already sentimental. Just the other day I noticed these pictures I keep out – my first and last Christmas with Poco. She was just a few months short of turning 21 when she left her body. She was a loving little kitty and I grew up with her. When she died, I had had her for more than half my life. I love these pictures of the two of us: I think I was about 19 or 20 in the picture on the left, and 39 or 40 in the picture on the right. It’s funny if you look at the picture on the right I’m all in black – even my hair is black – which is a fine example of those 1990′s that I was talking about!